Michelle Obama Says the White House Didn’t “Fully Protect” Her Family
- Victor Nwoko
- May 1
- 3 min read
Former U.S. First Lady Michelle Obama has opened up about the personal and structural challenges she and her family faced while living in the White House, sharing that the West Wing did not fully protect her, President Barack Obama, and their daughters, Malia and Sasha, during their time in office from 2009 to 2017.
Appearing in a recent podcast conversation alongside her brother Craig Robinson, Michelle spoke candidly about her unique position as the first Black woman to serve as First Lady and the pressures of raising young children in the White House. “I was a very different First Lady,” she said. “Not terribly different from Hillary Clinton, but it was a different time. We had small kids in the White House, and that didn’t happen often. There were just accommodations and ways that the West Wing didn’t think about or work to fully protect all of us in the process as a unit.”
Michelle emphasized that the White House was designed with the presidency in mind—not necessarily a family with young children. Malia was only 10 years old when President Obama was elected, and Sasha was just 7. She shared that navigating security and everyday life with Secret Service agents around two young girls presented ongoing challenges. “If I had known what I know now, I would have asked for different things,” she admitted. “I was trying to make sure that our kids came out of that process not crazy, and whole.”
Michelle also spoke openly about her journey to motherhood, revealing her struggles with fertility and the emotional toll of IVF treatment. “Imagine your life as you’re checking boxes—I’m waiting, I delayed having kids. I’ve found the love of my life, and now I’m gonna get pregnant. So you think it’s gonna be like a box, it’s gonna happen like that, and no one tells you that there really is a biological clock, that’s not false.”
She explained that while she and Barack Obama waited for the “right” time to start their family—after securing careers and personal growth—they were unprepared for the challenges. “While we’re waiting for our lives to be perfect, that biological clock is ticking,” she said. The difficulty of not conceiving immediately came as a painful surprise. “So when it happens to you, a box checker, somebody that thought life was gonna be so and so and you did all the right things to have things not work out, and to know that it was gonna be that way and nobody told you so that you’d be prepared for it—it just, it was a blow.”
Michelle added that women often carry the blame for fertility struggles. “You’re walking around owning the blow as if it’s your fault.” Malia was born in 1998 and Sasha in 2001, following Michelle’s IVF treatment.
Now 61, Michelle said she is deeply invested in teaching her daughters, now 26 and 23, the importance of setting boundaries and resisting the urge to constantly please others. “It takes a lot of work to learn how to say no and how to not be people pleasers, which I think there are more of us out there than we’d like to admit,” she said. “It takes practice, and it takes decades of practice.”
Reflecting on her personal growth, Michelle said, “I think at 61, I’m finally owning my wisdom in a way that I didn’t. I think it takes women until we’re about 60 to be like, ‘I think I know a thing or two.’”
That self-assurance played a role in her decision to decline the invitation to attend Donald Trump’s second inauguration on January 20. “As a box-checking person who has been checking her whole life, doing the right thing, trying to always be an example, always going high—I think I just told myself, ‘I think I’ve done enough of that.’ And if I haven’t, then I never will. It’ll never be enough. So let me start now.”
Anticipating criticism, Michelle said she was at peace with the possibility of disappointing others. “People can deal with a little disappointment every now and then.”
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